Zombie Island Massacre (1984)
Directed by David Broadnax

Starring David Broadnax Rita Jenrette

Starring the director and ex-Playboy covergirl and former congressman's wife Rita Jenrette, "Zombie Island Massacre" has precious little going for it, save Jenrette's breasts which make a couple of appearances early in the film. One of the first scenes in the movie has Jenrette lathering her naked self off in the shower, before her boyfriend (wearing an African voodoo mask) spooks her. The two then get freaky in the bedroom, and you're left thinking you're about two watch a 90-minute sex-fest with zombies. Nothing could be further from the truth. Jenrette and lover are one among a group of American tourists who visit a voodoo ceremony in the Carribean. When their tour bus breaks down, they're forced to take shelter in a nearby home. One by one, they're picked off by a mysterious attacker.

There's actually no "zombie island massacre" to speak of, so if you're going in hoping for a Lucio Fulci-style walking dead movie, you'll want your money back. In fact, there are really no zombies at all, other than a supposed one that turns up during the voodoo ritual. Much of the story is just talk between the tourists and a couple of suspicious locals they run into. Some of the victims act like teenagers (have sex), but that whole "death to the premarital lovers" formula slasher films use really only works when you have teens in the cast. Who cares if married couples run off to have sex? Really bad acting, ludicrous deaths, zero suspense -- this is an awful movie. Its deceptive marketing campaign no doubt has fooled many-a-horror fan into thinking he was renting or buying a clone of Fulci's "Zombie."

Released (but not produced) by Troma, it's definitely one to avoid. And forgive me if this review seems a little short, but there's just not much else to say about this piece of crap movie, which I believe actually saw a theatrical run.

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-- Review by Lucius Gore

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